Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
