She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
