There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
