I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize