You just made me feel so damn special
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
