i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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