your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
