life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
