I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
