just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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