Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
