Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
