Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
