What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
