You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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