I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
