i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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