I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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