Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
