you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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