All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
