Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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