My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize