so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
