He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize