he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
