I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
