I wish i was in the wii world.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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