I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
