drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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