dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
