no, he came in my armpit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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