I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
