Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
