do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
