Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
