I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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