Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
