I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
