Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
