Im at strip club and am horny
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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