if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
