I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
