Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize