We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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