R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
