In America we eat man semen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
