The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
