if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
