can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
