Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
