You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
