i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
