I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
