is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
