In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize