Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
