and she was petting her beer can
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
