Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
