Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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