Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
