There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
