Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
