So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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