I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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