Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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