Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
