wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
