My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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