tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
