and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish my penis had a tongue
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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