I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize