i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
