You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
