she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
