So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
