The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
