she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
