she told me i tasted like america
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
