I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
