Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
