i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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