it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
