Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
