If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
