You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
